28 May 2009
When Donald Duck is asked to play for Duckburg in an epic baseball match against Goosetown, he asks inventer Gyro Gearloose to invent a bat that cannot miss. There's a lot riding on the game, because Duckburg always loses from Goosetown and this time they desperately want to win. So Gyro, also a citizen of Duckburg and the team's star pitcher, helps them out, making 'bats-that-never-miss'.
But then Goosetown supporters discover Gyro was actually born in Goosetown and force him to come out for their team, threatening to ruffle his feathers if they lose. What would you do if you're both a star pitcher and an inventer, facing opponents with bats that never miss? Exactly, you invent balls that can't be hit.
But what happens when a bat that can't miss, meets a ball that can't be hit?
Such is the story of Iran, Israel and their upcoming epic A-Bomb match. Forget the UN, forget the EU (if you were even thinking about them in the first place) and forget the US. This is one match that cannot be fixed.
These are the three fundamental problems preventing a solution:
1) Muslims hate Jews. That, and the name of Allah, are probably the only things Muslims of all denominations wholeheartedly agree on.
2) As a people, the Jews are fucked for life. On some psychological level they're still collectively fearing extermination, they're still fighting to protect themselves against great evil. Like a grown man who was abused by his parents as a child, Israel evolves around preventing something that already happened.
3) In many ways, both Muslims and Jews are still living in the 1940's, when battered Jews where battering Palestinians, securing a country of their own; where they would be safe.
So the Muslims won't stop untill the Jews are gone, and the Jews will never leave unless they're all dead. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has said he wants to wipe Isreal off the map and/or in the sea (or somewhere in the sky, as long as it's far far away). He has also said that 'The nuclear issue is over', meaning that whatever talks will take place with the US (and the rest of the world) Iran will never stop it's nuclear program.
And while Foxnews is entertaining the masses with the results of deepthroat level research on First Family dog Bo's pooping habits, every real journalist and politician realises Ahmadinejad is right: Iran's nuclear issue is over when the Iranians say it is. After all, what can the world do? Sanctions aren't going to stop it from developing The Bomb. Look at North Korea, a country with a GDP the size of Cyprus, more than ten times smaller than Iran. Sanctions, promises, six party talks, a population that can hardly feed itself and yet they recently conducted a second nuclear underground test.
Iran will eventually develop The Bomb and the technology to mount it on a missile. Together with accurate long range missile technology (recently aquired) this would give it the power to launch nuclear missiles. There really is only one way to stop Iran from developing the bomb.
But the UN will never sanction this and the US will never go at it alone, not again. So perhaps the world will have to swallow the inclusion of Iran in the club of nuclear powers? The world, maybe. The israelis, never.
No matter what Mr. Obama promises Mr. Netanyahu, if it's stopping short of using force to prevent Iran from developing a nuclear weapon, Israel will not accept it as a solution. They feel they simply cannot take the risk.
I think Iran has the right to develop a nuclear weapon. But I can also understand Israel's view, that it must take all necessary steps to prevent it. So what does happen when a bat that can't miss, meets a ball that can't be hit?
All bets are off.